That moment when....

That awesome moment when you're lying out back, with your bikini top untied... You've fallen asleep.... Your dog starts digging in the dirt next to you and you jump up because you suddenly think you're under attack....

Spongebob Lewie pants.

At the club (swimming pool), this mom tells her son, "GET over here RIGHT now!!! 1.... 2.... 3...."

Lewie yells, "momma's gonna spank yer butt!!!"

I looked around like I had no idea whose kid he was....

Let's bone.

Me: I don't WANT to roll the sex dice. Can't we just bone?

Him: your jaw still hurt?

Me: seriously? Can you ever be romantic?!

Him: *laughing* really?! Me?! "can we just bone?" sorry, Shakespeare.

Me: Shakespeare? You wanna bone a man?

Him: "what?!"

Me: you said Shakespeare. Do you want to bone a man?

Him: no, but I'll spear you.
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Really.... I can't believe or make sense of half of our real life conversations.....

Dance with me?

Me: "Are you looking up stuff for us to do in San Diego?"

Him: "yeah."

Me: "pretty much just bars and stuff, huh?"

Him: "yeah."

Me: "Will you dance with me there?"

Him: "maybe."

Me: "Thats the kind of shit that turns me on, honey."

Him: "what? Bad dancing? You're weird."

We go days without kissing.

Me: "do you know how much I long to be kissed.... sometimes?"

Him: "I got somethin' long you can kiss."

Self explanatory.

He sure is romantic!!

Come here.

him: "come here, honey. I'll massage you."

Me: "is that massage with or without expectations?"

Him: "without.... But I'll just hope it goes in my favor."